Beowulf XXII - A New Translation (or, When Photos Met Richard)

Seized then by shoulder, shrank not from combat,

the Swedish couture-prince Grendel's mother: Richard Simmons.

Flung then the fierce one, filled with wrath,

Photos' deadly foe, that she fell to ground, ruining her manicure.

Swift on her part she paid him back

with grisly grasp, and grappled, and groped with him -- seeking his elf-boy bits.

Spent with struggle, stumbled the warrior-millener, fiercest of stylish fighting-men,

most curious of dancing Sultans, fell adown.

On the Sultan of Starfall, the candy-striped fitness guru, hurled herself,

hent her short sword, broad and brown-edged with pink sequins,

the bairn to do rude and naughty things upon, the Swedish-born elf-son.

-- On his shoulder lay braided breast-mail and matching vest,

barring death, withstanding entrance of edge or blade and

much of A:S:S’s 2009-2010 Autumn/Winter men’s collection.

Life would have ended for the millener-prince,

under wide earth for that Sultan of Starfall,

had his armor of A:S:S not aided him,

battle-net hard, and holy Elf-Style Gods

wielded the victory, upon the mighty helm of the

creator of the Aretha Hat. The Lords of SL-Fashion allowed his cause;

and easily rose the Sultan erect...

Starring:

Photos Nikolaidis as Beowulf

Richard Simmons as Grendel's Mother

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